Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.

Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always." visit Fucking The Help for more.

A Polack has always been envious of a friend's ability to pick up girls at the beach. So one day, he asks how. The friend tells him "I just stick a potato in my swimsuit. The women go crazy for it." So the polack tries it. A few days later he sees his friend at the beach and has bad news. "That potato trick doesn't work at all. Women just go out of their way to avoid me these days." The friend says "well, wear the potato in front next time. Tah, rah, rah, boom-bee-ayee, Have you had yours today? I got mine yesterday, With the guy across the way He paid me ninety cents To go behind the fence He pulled my panties down And laid me on the ground He shouted, "one, two, three," And stuck it into me, Won't mommy be surprised, When she sees my tummy rise!

A GUY WALKS INTO A BAR WITH AN OCTOPUS ON HIS SHOULDER. THE BARTENDER SAYS YOU CAN'T BRING THAT IN HERE. THE GUY SAYS WHY NOT,HE'S A PET PLUS I'LL BET YOU A DRINK HE CAN PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT IN HERE. BARTENDER SAYS OK HERE'S A TROMBONE,I'LL BET A DRINK HE CAN'T PLAY IT. THE OCTOPUS PICKS IT UP AND STARTS PLAYING A TUNE. BARTENDER IS A LITTLE UPSET AND PULLS OUT A CLARINET AND SAYS, I BET ANOTHER DRINK HE CAN'T PLAY THIS. GUY SAYS OK. THE OCTOPUS PICKS UP THE CLARINET AND STARTS PLAYING AWAY ON IT. BY NOW THE BARTENDER IS REALLY UPSET. HE'S HAD TO GIVE THE GUY 2 FREE DRINKS ALREADY.THEN HE REMEMBERS HE HAS AN OLD SET OF BAG-PIPES IN THE BACK. HE TELLS THE GUY, I'LL BET YOU ONE MORE DRINK HE CAN'T PLAY SOMETHING ELSE I HAVE AND THROWS OUT THE BAG-PIPES. THE OCTOPUS TAKES ONE LOOK AT IT AND JUMPS ON IT AND STARTS TRYING TO SCREW IT. THE BARTENDER LAUGHS AND SAYS, I GUESS I WIN. THE GUY SAYS, JUST GIVE HIM A MINUTE. AS SOON AS HE REALIZES HE CAN'T SCREW IT……..HE'LL PLAY IT………

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

Kates in the Window

Schoolgirl in the girl's room

Selena complete with her camo on